So I am back in Colorado. Yay?
The flight back to Denver was uneventful, and since I had a book, the time went back quickly. Steve picked me up at DIA, and we got home. The rest of the weekend was like I never left. Taking out the trash, watching NCIS reruns.
So the planning begins for next year!
Monday, September 26, 2011
You Be The Judge
So one of these pictures was sent in as a parody of The Fran. The other picture is The Fran. Who is who? I seriously cannot tell the difference. Both are old bitch dogs with wigs on.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The Last Supper (with Fran)
Dad took me out to the exclusive, snobbish Marion Country Club for dinner last night. Sure, I have been to the Club many many times in my youth, to the pool, to go golfing and hit Suzann in the shin. They have really changed the place now, with kind of a bar/grill room set up where the formal dining room used to be. Evidently some dudes went to an auction and bought a lot of bar furniture from Max and Spermas on the cheap. It looks nice, and evidently, membership is up.
So getting ready to leave the house for this event, The Fran came downstairs to the kitchen. Something was immediately noticeable as different. Her hair. Normally it is the color of watered down red wine. Cheap red wine. Always more of a red as opposed to a deep burgundy. But tonight, it was brown. Brown as brown can be. And it had some funky 70's curls in front of her ears. Bitch was wearing a wig! Now, I don't diss on my sistahs who wear wigs or weaves, but this was funny!
So we get to the club, I said I would drive Dad's car, and then they both get into the back seat. Great, I am driving the Daisies. We get to the club, and Fran says to me "I don't know anyone here, your Dad knows everyone, he is so personable." Well, he is! And he doesn't mumble. There is a guy playing guitar too loud there, and if you think you never were able to hear Fran before, you cant hear her at all now! It is AWESOME! She mumbles, and Dad just flat out ignores her and starts another conversation. Again...AWESOME! She orders a frozen marg that she eats with a spoon, like it was ice cream. Granted, they only gave her a little stirrer stick as a straw, must be a gay bartender. She orders this huge ass meal, salmon with a baked sweet potato, and then doesn't eat it.
We get to leaving and Dad and I are out in the car, while she is in there, still, talking to people. Now remember, she doesn't know anyone. She comes out and tells us all about her conversations. "There are 17 new members". Dad says "is that what (that lady) told you?" Fran: "No, you did." She is recalling conversations to Dad of stuff that Dad said!
So after I drop them off at the house, I bolt to Columbus...just to get out of the house.
This morning, Dad was supposed to go golfing, but somehow he blew a fuse (really, not rhetorically) and had to reset every single applicant in the house. So I did get to see him before I left, which was great. I gave a wave to Fran, no touching!!!!
Now I am at Port Columbus awaiting my flight to Denver.
So Hawaii 50.3 is over, time to start planning for 50.4!
So getting ready to leave the house for this event, The Fran came downstairs to the kitchen. Something was immediately noticeable as different. Her hair. Normally it is the color of watered down red wine. Cheap red wine. Always more of a red as opposed to a deep burgundy. But tonight, it was brown. Brown as brown can be. And it had some funky 70's curls in front of her ears. Bitch was wearing a wig! Now, I don't diss on my sistahs who wear wigs or weaves, but this was funny!
So we get to the club, I said I would drive Dad's car, and then they both get into the back seat. Great, I am driving the Daisies. We get to the club, and Fran says to me "I don't know anyone here, your Dad knows everyone, he is so personable." Well, he is! And he doesn't mumble. There is a guy playing guitar too loud there, and if you think you never were able to hear Fran before, you cant hear her at all now! It is AWESOME! She mumbles, and Dad just flat out ignores her and starts another conversation. Again...AWESOME! She orders a frozen marg that she eats with a spoon, like it was ice cream. Granted, they only gave her a little stirrer stick as a straw, must be a gay bartender. She orders this huge ass meal, salmon with a baked sweet potato, and then doesn't eat it.
We get to leaving and Dad and I are out in the car, while she is in there, still, talking to people. Now remember, she doesn't know anyone. She comes out and tells us all about her conversations. "There are 17 new members". Dad says "is that what (that lady) told you?" Fran: "No, you did." She is recalling conversations to Dad of stuff that Dad said!
So after I drop them off at the house, I bolt to Columbus...just to get out of the house.
This morning, Dad was supposed to go golfing, but somehow he blew a fuse (really, not rhetorically) and had to reset every single applicant in the house. So I did get to see him before I left, which was great. I gave a wave to Fran, no touching!!!!
Now I am at Port Columbus awaiting my flight to Denver.
So Hawaii 50.3 is over, time to start planning for 50.4!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A Little Shampoo Wouldn't Hurt
Remember Willie, one of the three sons that The Fran thanks God for assisting her when she had fallen down the stairs and broke her neck? That one, the one who never came by the rehabilitation center, the one who never came over to the house? Yeah, Willie. The Doctor.
Well, Willie came over to the house today to deliver pizza to his mother. A Godfather's Pizza. Not even Donato's, which of course, Fran claims to be the best pizza in the world. Doesn't he know his mother's own pizza preference? Obviously not!
So he comes over, feeds her, and then leaves. I am betting under 45 minutes. First and only time that I know of that he has been here in a while, at least the time I have been here. I was friendly, don't worry!
He was in scrubs, must have just come from surgery (or taking someones X-ray), and he had his long, gray, dirty hair back in a pony tail. Nothing finer than a 55 year old man (or thereabouts) with a gray pony tail. You could say it was Harley-ish, but it wasn't even that. It was wrong.
Well, Willie came over to the house today to deliver pizza to his mother. A Godfather's Pizza. Not even Donato's, which of course, Fran claims to be the best pizza in the world. Doesn't he know his mother's own pizza preference? Obviously not!
So he comes over, feeds her, and then leaves. I am betting under 45 minutes. First and only time that I know of that he has been here in a while, at least the time I have been here. I was friendly, don't worry!
He was in scrubs, must have just come from surgery (or taking someones X-ray), and he had his long, gray, dirty hair back in a pony tail. Nothing finer than a 55 year old man (or thereabouts) with a gray pony tail. You could say it was Harley-ish, but it wasn't even that. It was wrong.
Shock and Awe
Ya know, the big city life of being here in Marion Ohio caught up with me last night. I went to bed at 7:30. Exhausted. Of course, being up the night before until something like 2 in the morning driving back from Indy didn't help matters.
So I got a good nights rest, that is for sure! I remember some noises and someone coming into my room at some point, but thought it was Dad looking for some clothes since he took over what used to be my closet. Guess it wasn't him.....
When I did get up and finished my "morning business", I went downstairs to find The Fran sitting in a seat at the kitchen table, phone and keys in hand. Asked me to move my rental car, which was behind her car. Sure, not a problem. "Did you hear the alarm go off?" Whhhhaaaa?
Turns out no one, including myself, thought that parking behind her would be a big deal. Dad didn't move it when he left to go wherever this morning. But I guess she had to go to the YMCA for whatever the fuck it is there that she does. She called Dad to ask how to unlock the car. He told her, it's a simple Ford key fob thingie. Unlock button means unlock, etc., etc. You guessed it, she hit the RED alarm button and set off the alarm.
Turns out it was HER that came into my room, but she didn't knock, didn't call my name. Just closed the door. When she finally left for the Y, she said to me "I am sure I am not that late". Don't even try to push a guilt trip on me, sister honey bunch. It is not going to work. I have had more intimidating (Catholic) people try to push a guilt trip on me, and it doesn't work. I just don't care.
So she got off on her way, and I was getting ready to scoot up to Cuyahoga Falls, when Dad comes home and asks if I moved the car. Well, since it is out in the road and not in the driveway, I think that might be a good call. He told me that The Fran had tried to unlock it and hit the wrong button and it scared her.
Now that would have been a bee-you-tee-full site, seeing her out in the driveway, key fob in hand, car alarm going off and her spaced out of her head. Damn, I am sorry I missed it.
So I got a good nights rest, that is for sure! I remember some noises and someone coming into my room at some point, but thought it was Dad looking for some clothes since he took over what used to be my closet. Guess it wasn't him.....
When I did get up and finished my "morning business", I went downstairs to find The Fran sitting in a seat at the kitchen table, phone and keys in hand. Asked me to move my rental car, which was behind her car. Sure, not a problem. "Did you hear the alarm go off?" Whhhhaaaa?
Turns out no one, including myself, thought that parking behind her would be a big deal. Dad didn't move it when he left to go wherever this morning. But I guess she had to go to the YMCA for whatever the fuck it is there that she does. She called Dad to ask how to unlock the car. He told her, it's a simple Ford key fob thingie. Unlock button means unlock, etc., etc. You guessed it, she hit the RED alarm button and set off the alarm.
Turns out it was HER that came into my room, but she didn't knock, didn't call my name. Just closed the door. When she finally left for the Y, she said to me "I am sure I am not that late". Don't even try to push a guilt trip on me, sister honey bunch. It is not going to work. I have had more intimidating (Catholic) people try to push a guilt trip on me, and it doesn't work. I just don't care.
So she got off on her way, and I was getting ready to scoot up to Cuyahoga Falls, when Dad comes home and asks if I moved the car. Well, since it is out in the road and not in the driveway, I think that might be a good call. He told me that The Fran had tried to unlock it and hit the wrong button and it scared her.
Now that would have been a bee-you-tee-full site, seeing her out in the driveway, key fob in hand, car alarm going off and her spaced out of her head. Damn, I am sorry I missed it.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Damn, Shit, Fuck, Damn
Hello, welcome to the end of my rope. I am there. Fran has driven me over the edge! I had to sit on my right hand at dinner to prevent me from backhanding her.
I went over to Indianapolis yesterday, and met Dad and it for lunch. I am so sorry for my father that he has to be in this picture.
I mean, would you go out looking like her? She commented the entire lunch about how the drive to Indy was since she did it so much when her brother in law was a professor at IU. Well, he ain't your brother in law now, so shut the fuck up. She told me that the weather on the way there was bad and to be careful. The sun was out. So, amazing that it was that she talked as she had her nose in her soup, it finally ended and I went on my way. Thank God.
Tonight, she came down from a nap. At 5:00pm. Best nap she ever had. Uh huh, always the best. She asked what that was on the tray next to where I was standing. Tater tots. What is that in the oven? Tater tots. As she puts them in her mouth, what are these? Fucking Tater Tots, bitch! She must have liked her meal since she went "mmmmm" about 9 times during it. I couldn't tell if it was that or she had gas. It went on and on. She had a chicken wing and I will be damned if she didn't hand the bone back to Dad to dispose of it. And he took it! What the hell is that all about!
They were watching the news tonight about Obama at the UN and Palestinian statehood. "They are going to make it a state? How can they do that?" Go on, insert your own punch line.
I went over to Indianapolis yesterday, and met Dad and it for lunch. I am so sorry for my father that he has to be in this picture.
I mean, would you go out looking like her? She commented the entire lunch about how the drive to Indy was since she did it so much when her brother in law was a professor at IU. Well, he ain't your brother in law now, so shut the fuck up. She told me that the weather on the way there was bad and to be careful. The sun was out. So, amazing that it was that she talked as she had her nose in her soup, it finally ended and I went on my way. Thank God.
Tonight, she came down from a nap. At 5:00pm. Best nap she ever had. Uh huh, always the best. She asked what that was on the tray next to where I was standing. Tater tots. What is that in the oven? Tater tots. As she puts them in her mouth, what are these? Fucking Tater Tots, bitch! She must have liked her meal since she went "mmmmm" about 9 times during it. I couldn't tell if it was that or she had gas. It went on and on. She had a chicken wing and I will be damned if she didn't hand the bone back to Dad to dispose of it. And he took it! What the hell is that all about!
They were watching the news tonight about Obama at the UN and Palestinian statehood. "They are going to make it a state? How can they do that?" Go on, insert your own punch line.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Work With Me, Jesus; Work With Me!
Dad has this TV in the basement that is hooked up to a pretty decent surround sound system. There is something up with the cable system though that the commercials are about 30 decibels louder than the TV program. I mean, these commercials hurt my head.
Tonight is the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars, and of course they are watching it. Nothing against DWTS, just not my thang.
Having gone through Jeopardy and Wheel! Of! Fortune! at a sound level equal to being front row at a Def Leopard concert, this is just not fair! I cant wait til they head upstairs and I can watch the relatively slow, mundane tones of MSNBC.
Tonight is the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars, and of course they are watching it. Nothing against DWTS, just not my thang.
Having gone through Jeopardy and Wheel! Of! Fortune! at a sound level equal to being front row at a Def Leopard concert, this is just not fair! I cant wait til they head upstairs and I can watch the relatively slow, mundane tones of MSNBC.
I've Been to Paradise...
...but I have never been to the Marion County Fair. So says The Fran.
As I was telling Dad about my adventures at the Ashland Fair, The Fran, who always has to chip in to the conversation, says she has never been to the Marion County Fair. Dad kind of gives her this look like "what the fuck? I know you have been to the fair with your kids back in the day" look, and then she says.
Oh yes, I have been there.
Then she comments positively for the fourth time on dinner and how much she like breakfast foods for dinner, and says MMMMMMMMMM.
I successully avoided her all day, but I had to cowboy up and take it.
As I was telling Dad about my adventures at the Ashland Fair, The Fran, who always has to chip in to the conversation, says she has never been to the Marion County Fair. Dad kind of gives her this look like "what the fuck? I know you have been to the fair with your kids back in the day" look, and then she says.
Oh yes, I have been there.
Then she comments positively for the fourth time on dinner and how much she like breakfast foods for dinner, and says MMMMMMMMMM.
I successully avoided her all day, but I had to cowboy up and take it.
My CVS Fix
You know when you do not have something available to you right at your fingertips, you want it more? That is the way it is with me and CVS. There is nothing spectacular about a CVS, it is pretty much a brighter, less crowded Walgreens. But for some odd reason, I love CVS.
Here is Suzann at her CVS.
Here is Suzann at her CVS.
Bob Evans. Down on the Farm!
For those of you who appreciate fine Midwestern dining, there is nothing better than Bob Evans. Particularly for breakfast. Which, fortunately you can get all the time there. Awesome sausage gravy. Seriously, that is the reason you go there.
Like most things farmy, they tend to be...what word do I use...beefy. Not in the sense that every farm is a cattle ranch, but the hogs are big, the chickens are big, the people are big. Thus was my visit to the Ashland County Fair.
What a little piece of Americana this was. People had their little exhibits of best vegetables, tallest sunflower stalk, you name it (well, actually don't name it), just trust me, there was a lot of stuff.
The people! Oh, the people were beefy as well. One woman, who is a relative of Charlie's gave one word to describe it as "butt crack". Actually that is two words, but I give her some leeway there, because she was right on the money. There was the great cornucopia of humanity there that is only evident in Ohio. And maybe Indiana. Large people, little people, kids screaming all over the place. Made the Popcorn Festival blush in shame. Oddly, no people of color, but then again, I don't think that there are many black people who call Ashland and its environs home. I could be wrong.
It was goatee city. Seems this fashion trend among men just got to Ashland and the guys there are embracing it like it was Monday Night Football. Some pull it off, others....not so much. It still amazes me that for many married or dating couples, that a dude who is not bad looking, still considered "a catch" lugs around this behemoth woman who spit out his children. Fortunately, my little sister has not been fully integrated into this tradition, as honestly, and I know she is my sister, but she looked great. Skinny great. Good for you, Suzann!
Like most things farmy, they tend to be...what word do I use...beefy. Not in the sense that every farm is a cattle ranch, but the hogs are big, the chickens are big, the people are big. Thus was my visit to the Ashland County Fair.
What a little piece of Americana this was. People had their little exhibits of best vegetables, tallest sunflower stalk, you name it (well, actually don't name it), just trust me, there was a lot of stuff.
The people! Oh, the people were beefy as well. One woman, who is a relative of Charlie's gave one word to describe it as "butt crack". Actually that is two words, but I give her some leeway there, because she was right on the money. There was the great cornucopia of humanity there that is only evident in Ohio. And maybe Indiana. Large people, little people, kids screaming all over the place. Made the Popcorn Festival blush in shame. Oddly, no people of color, but then again, I don't think that there are many black people who call Ashland and its environs home. I could be wrong.
It was goatee city. Seems this fashion trend among men just got to Ashland and the guys there are embracing it like it was Monday Night Football. Some pull it off, others....not so much. It still amazes me that for many married or dating couples, that a dude who is not bad looking, still considered "a catch" lugs around this behemoth woman who spit out his children. Fortunately, my little sister has not been fully integrated into this tradition, as honestly, and I know she is my sister, but she looked great. Skinny great. Good for you, Suzann!
Oh look! A hay sculpture. And notice the fat ass people that wouldn't move out the of the fucking way so I could take a picture.
Another hay sculpture. A teddy bear, I think. And another fat ass.
A Blue Ribbon Winner! For best placement of peppers on a Styrofoam plate.
And another winner! For salad tomatoes. Really? Oh for God's sake,.
Tallest Dead Sunflower Plant
And what fair would be complete without the largest squash.
And this I just do not get. This kind of stuff was everywhere. An entire building for it. Just crazy shit on display. This is obviously a salute to grocery stores. Boggles. My. Fucking. Mind.
And what you have been waiting for...ME!!! Eatin' Funnel Cake and Loving it!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Today's Forecast: Fair
Back in "Meet Me in St. Louis", Judy Garland was all a buzz about going to the World's Fair in Missouri. For me, the action is far from St. Louis, it is live in Ashland Ohio! I am going to the Ashland County Fair! Can't you feel the excitement from wherever you are? I know I do!
Of course, I will post something later, hopefully with some humorous pictures of the locals.
Last night, after The Fran Fucked up the TVs, I went to Columbus. Come to find out that she had all three remotes in one place, and they all look the same, and they are all independent of each other. Poor thing. HA! Stupid bitch!
She still wasn't feeling well, so she ate almost all of Dad's leftover pizza and chicken wings. Of course, when your stomach isn't doing too well, you eat spicy Italian sauce and some fried food, right?
Anyways, back to Columbus. I went straight to The Exile, which in the days I lived there was a great bar. It had gone downhill, but I am proud to report that it is great now. Very nice patio, with tiki lamps, a fire pit to toast marshmallows (cuz all the bears loves them some smores), and lots of seating. The bar was very crowded since Ohio State was playing the U, but oddly the game was not on the TV, it was playing a DVD of half naked skinny boys dancing at some gay even that was on a beach. There is nothing like looking at a guy who has the body that you will never have shake his ass with a speedo on that has some website emblazoned across his ass.
As for the clientele: They. Were. Delightful. I lie. I didn't have a chance to stand out there because:
Of course, I will post something later, hopefully with some humorous pictures of the locals.
Last night, after The Fran Fucked up the TVs, I went to Columbus. Come to find out that she had all three remotes in one place, and they all look the same, and they are all independent of each other. Poor thing. HA! Stupid bitch!
She still wasn't feeling well, so she ate almost all of Dad's leftover pizza and chicken wings. Of course, when your stomach isn't doing too well, you eat spicy Italian sauce and some fried food, right?
Anyways, back to Columbus. I went straight to The Exile, which in the days I lived there was a great bar. It had gone downhill, but I am proud to report that it is great now. Very nice patio, with tiki lamps, a fire pit to toast marshmallows (cuz all the bears loves them some smores), and lots of seating. The bar was very crowded since Ohio State was playing the U, but oddly the game was not on the TV, it was playing a DVD of half naked skinny boys dancing at some gay even that was on a beach. There is nothing like looking at a guy who has the body that you will never have shake his ass with a speedo on that has some website emblazoned across his ass.
As for the clientele: They. Were. Delightful. I lie. I didn't have a chance to stand out there because:
- I was not wearing an Ohio State shirt
- I did not have my phone with me, so I could not call anyone and tell them how fabulous the bar was
- I did not have my phone with me, so I could not look up on the Internet someone to go have sex with
- I do not smoke cigarettes, so I could not wave a lit cigarette around like a pom pom, since gay men use their hands a lot to talk. No, not that way.
- Wasn't wearing leather
- I wasn't obese. It's a bear bar, so the dudes kind are kind of...large. This was great for me since I was able to feel quite svelte.
- I didn't know anyone, so I didn't talk to anyone in their clicks.
- I am not flamboyant, so I didn't stick out like a sore thumb, or like a large, sore drama queen.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Fourth Down and Forever
Welcome to Saturday! One week into my trip, and I would say everything is going A.OK. I guess.
Yesterday, Suzann and I went to Columbus. We went to see Morgan at her home, since she was deathly ill and had to call in sick. We brought Chicken Noodle Soup, tissues and Muccinex. And we brought Charlie. That made her all better!
We went to lunch at a place called the Thurman Cafe down in German Village, it was featured on some Food Network show, Drive-In's Dinettes and Divers. Something like that. It was awesome! Huge 3/4 pound burgers. Then off to shopping where I used my $50 Sports Authority gift card to get some new runners. And then back to Marion to prepare for the Trash The Locals event.
That was going to be a touch nerve-racking for me, since High School was not my forte in life. But we got to Buffalo Wild Wings and there was a table reserved for us, and eventually about 15 people showed up. This was all advertised on facebook, so honestly, that was a good deal. Saw some good friends from my youth, and some showed up that...honestly I don't remember them. It has been, after all, a while since I told Pleasant High School to shove it up their ass.
So today, Suzann heads back to Ashland, and I get up around noon thirty. Best sleep I have had since I got here. Guess 4 beers, 2 Tylenol PM, an Ambien and a Vivodin is the recipe I have been lacking. Dad was at a golf tournament, so I hunkered down in the basement and watched NCIS re-runs. Hey! This is like a Saturday back in Colorado!
Around 7:30, the Fran comes downstairs and says that she cannot make the zapper work on any of the other two TV's in the house and that the OSU game was about to start. I didn't say anything, and she went upstairs, 5 minutes later, she reappears and repeats herself.
"Do you want me to leave, Fran?" I asked. Oh no, I just cant make the zappers work. What. Ever. SO I got my stuff and went upstairs to the kitchen. I guess I can just watch up there, right?
No. "The Zapper", a/k/a the remote is gone. Missing. Hiding. Who the fuck knows, but it ain't here and the TV is on, the cable is off. And I cant do anything with it. And the beeatch is downstairs watching OSU, and somehow had NO TROUBLE turning the zapper on there.
Yesterday, Suzann and I went to Columbus. We went to see Morgan at her home, since she was deathly ill and had to call in sick. We brought Chicken Noodle Soup, tissues and Muccinex. And we brought Charlie. That made her all better!
We went to lunch at a place called the Thurman Cafe down in German Village, it was featured on some Food Network show, Drive-In's Dinettes and Divers. Something like that. It was awesome! Huge 3/4 pound burgers. Then off to shopping where I used my $50 Sports Authority gift card to get some new runners. And then back to Marion to prepare for the Trash The Locals event.
That was going to be a touch nerve-racking for me, since High School was not my forte in life. But we got to Buffalo Wild Wings and there was a table reserved for us, and eventually about 15 people showed up. This was all advertised on facebook, so honestly, that was a good deal. Saw some good friends from my youth, and some showed up that...honestly I don't remember them. It has been, after all, a while since I told Pleasant High School to shove it up their ass.
So today, Suzann heads back to Ashland, and I get up around noon thirty. Best sleep I have had since I got here. Guess 4 beers, 2 Tylenol PM, an Ambien and a Vivodin is the recipe I have been lacking. Dad was at a golf tournament, so I hunkered down in the basement and watched NCIS re-runs. Hey! This is like a Saturday back in Colorado!
Around 7:30, the Fran comes downstairs and says that she cannot make the zapper work on any of the other two TV's in the house and that the OSU game was about to start. I didn't say anything, and she went upstairs, 5 minutes later, she reappears and repeats herself.
"Do you want me to leave, Fran?" I asked. Oh no, I just cant make the zappers work. What. Ever. SO I got my stuff and went upstairs to the kitchen. I guess I can just watch up there, right?
No. "The Zapper", a/k/a the remote is gone. Missing. Hiding. Who the fuck knows, but it ain't here and the TV is on, the cable is off. And I cant do anything with it. And the beeatch is downstairs watching OSU, and somehow had NO TROUBLE turning the zapper on there.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
In Case of Fran, a Oxygen Mask Will Fall In Front of You
Place it over her mouth and apply pressure. A lot of pressure.
So I have made it a couple days here in the big OHIO, but not without some clever maneuvering on my part to avoid contact with the Fran. Yesterday, I was out of the house like a bat out of hell to go see my little sister in Ashland. Oh yes, and to see Charlie. He was his usual "so excited to see me" self, which was very gratifying. It is almost like he remembers me. I am just going to think that no matter what.
I got back to Dad's house just as they were retiring for the evening. Fran was beginning her trek up the stairs, which (rightfully so) is a journey beyond belief. She has to steady herself on the two hand rails and take it one step at a time. These are the same steps that catapulted her to the hospital. Right then, I came around the corner from the kitchen. She evidently didn't know that I was in the house, which is odd, since they locked the garage door and I made a lot of noise getting into the house, and I scared the shit out of her. Good thing she has those Depends on. It was HI-larious!
Fashion Police: She has worn the same outfit since Saturday. Sometimes accentuated with a baseball hat, sometimes not. Always repugnant.
I got out of Dodge today down to the big city. Columbus. State Capitol. Freeways, shopping malls, movie stars. Putzed around, scoped out a boxing gym there that will give me a free two week membership if I can prove that I am a member of another gym wanting to change. Free! Dems words I likes! Now all I have to do is get that membership keytag, which is of course, back in Colorado. Hopefully Steve can find it and take a picture of it, and then hopefully more, they will accept that. Stay tuned. Well, you don't have to, but it would be nice of you.
The big Trash The Locals is scheduled for Friday! Some people I went to high school are coming, much to my surprise of the power of Facebook. I wonder who they are?
So hangin out at the house tonight, watching Rachel, loving life.
So I have made it a couple days here in the big OHIO, but not without some clever maneuvering on my part to avoid contact with the Fran. Yesterday, I was out of the house like a bat out of hell to go see my little sister in Ashland. Oh yes, and to see Charlie. He was his usual "so excited to see me" self, which was very gratifying. It is almost like he remembers me. I am just going to think that no matter what.
I got back to Dad's house just as they were retiring for the evening. Fran was beginning her trek up the stairs, which (rightfully so) is a journey beyond belief. She has to steady herself on the two hand rails and take it one step at a time. These are the same steps that catapulted her to the hospital. Right then, I came around the corner from the kitchen. She evidently didn't know that I was in the house, which is odd, since they locked the garage door and I made a lot of noise getting into the house, and I scared the shit out of her. Good thing she has those Depends on. It was HI-larious!
Fashion Police: She has worn the same outfit since Saturday. Sometimes accentuated with a baseball hat, sometimes not. Always repugnant.
I got out of Dodge today down to the big city. Columbus. State Capitol. Freeways, shopping malls, movie stars. Putzed around, scoped out a boxing gym there that will give me a free two week membership if I can prove that I am a member of another gym wanting to change. Free! Dems words I likes! Now all I have to do is get that membership keytag, which is of course, back in Colorado. Hopefully Steve can find it and take a picture of it, and then hopefully more, they will accept that. Stay tuned. Well, you don't have to, but it would be nice of you.
The big Trash The Locals is scheduled for Friday! Some people I went to high school are coming, much to my surprise of the power of Facebook. I wonder who they are?
So hangin out at the house tonight, watching Rachel, loving life.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Random Pics
Big Plane!
Best Four Bucks I Ever Spent
My Rental Focii!!
Mass-steria at the Popcorn Festival (that has no popcorn)
And We're Off!
Yesterday was just a whirlwind of activity. Got up at 3 am to get to the airport, got on the flight to Chicago just fine, it was a nice flight, though I admit that taking a vicodin helped.
Got to O'Hare only to find that my flight to Columbus was delayed. That's OK, I can deal with it. But that hour became 90 minutes, then 2 1/2 hours, then back to 2 hours, then back to 2 1/2 hours. But finally got on the little RJ to take me to Ohio. Flight attendant Timothy welcomed us on board. What a queen. When the pilot made his announcement, saying that "Tim" would take care of our needs, "Timothy" got on the intercom to the flight deck to correct the pilot of his correct name. Anal, in oh, so many ways!
I did make it to Marion, and Dad, The Fran and Donato's pizza was waiting for me. Within 15 minutes, we had out first Fran moment.
Talking about my flight being delayed, Fran started talking about her last flight and "being stacked up seven high waiting to land". Dad quickly corrected her that they don't do that anymore to save time and fuel. Fran then said "I was up there so long, I thought I saw a UFO." Pause. "I probably didn't."
Now that leaves open the theory that she still believes that she might have seen a UFO while she was in this supposedly holding pattern in her head. I guess when it comes to Fran, the Eagle has landed...just short of the runway.
Now for the event. The Marion Popcorn Festival. Get a good parking spot. By the look of the crowd at the Wal Mart, one would think that the festival in downtown Marion would be not so populated. Wrong. It was wall to wall white trash. Add carnival rides, carnival food, beer and a shocking lack of popcorn and you got yourself a fine time. The headline entertainment, some country singer that uses his first, middle and last name had a lot of spectators, with the little Miss Popcorn singing some Disney Mermaid song as his warm up band. Great, huh?
Found my dear friend Lisa, had a few beers and then everything hit me like a brick wall. I was ready to sleep. Sleep a lot. So I left the great fun that was the Popcorn Festival and headed to Dad's house.
Jesus, it was hot in that house. The air conditioning had to be set to 80. But eventually I fell asleep and got up around noon. Only after Dad, who was mowing the yard, set the lawnmower under my bedroom window and just let it run. I got the message, Dad!
White Castles for lunch, so now I am ready for whatever these people have to throw at me!
Got to O'Hare only to find that my flight to Columbus was delayed. That's OK, I can deal with it. But that hour became 90 minutes, then 2 1/2 hours, then back to 2 hours, then back to 2 1/2 hours. But finally got on the little RJ to take me to Ohio. Flight attendant Timothy welcomed us on board. What a queen. When the pilot made his announcement, saying that "Tim" would take care of our needs, "Timothy" got on the intercom to the flight deck to correct the pilot of his correct name. Anal, in oh, so many ways!
I did make it to Marion, and Dad, The Fran and Donato's pizza was waiting for me. Within 15 minutes, we had out first Fran moment.
Talking about my flight being delayed, Fran started talking about her last flight and "being stacked up seven high waiting to land". Dad quickly corrected her that they don't do that anymore to save time and fuel. Fran then said "I was up there so long, I thought I saw a UFO." Pause. "I probably didn't."
Now that leaves open the theory that she still believes that she might have seen a UFO while she was in this supposedly holding pattern in her head. I guess when it comes to Fran, the Eagle has landed...just short of the runway.
Now for the event. The Marion Popcorn Festival. Get a good parking spot. By the look of the crowd at the Wal Mart, one would think that the festival in downtown Marion would be not so populated. Wrong. It was wall to wall white trash. Add carnival rides, carnival food, beer and a shocking lack of popcorn and you got yourself a fine time. The headline entertainment, some country singer that uses his first, middle and last name had a lot of spectators, with the little Miss Popcorn singing some Disney Mermaid song as his warm up band. Great, huh?
Found my dear friend Lisa, had a few beers and then everything hit me like a brick wall. I was ready to sleep. Sleep a lot. So I left the great fun that was the Popcorn Festival and headed to Dad's house.
Jesus, it was hot in that house. The air conditioning had to be set to 80. But eventually I fell asleep and got up around noon. Only after Dad, who was mowing the yard, set the lawnmower under my bedroom window and just let it run. I got the message, Dad!
White Castles for lunch, so now I am ready for whatever these people have to throw at me!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I am Feeling All United Continentally
I was looking at my vacation budget yesterday, something an anal retentive person (me) does several times a day, figuring out how much cash dinero I have to do whatever when I am away.
My largest single expenditure is gasoline for the drive. What, I thought, what could I do to trim down costs? What if I flew there and rented a car? Yes, it certainly would eliminate that drive (4 days), lodging along the way, and the gas at over $3.50 a gallon. Shockingly, using miles and renting a car was less expensive! So, I had to ponder the people I was going to see along the way. Since I had already cut Chicago out of the plans, only St. Louis remained. I could handle that, and my friend would understand.
So I booked the trip using my United miles. Funny thing about United, everything you have read about airlines in general charging fees even to take a shit is true. The charged me $75 just to book the ticket since it was within 14 days. They were going to charge me $120 round trip just to take my clothes. They had this "Premier Super Duper Chump Club" deal that if I paid $137, I could get two bags checked free (if I am paying, then how the fuck is it free?) and I could enter the plane early and (gasp!) sit in a seat that has 4 additional inches of leg room. So, for $17, I can get in the front of coach. Shrug. I did it. What the fuck.
So on Saturday, I leave DIA at 6 in the AM for a flight to Chicago, then on to Your Town, My Town, Cow Town. And as an added bonus, I can get to uptown Marion on Saturday night for the Popcorn Festival!
You are definitely going to see pics of this! Stay tuned!
My largest single expenditure is gasoline for the drive. What, I thought, what could I do to trim down costs? What if I flew there and rented a car? Yes, it certainly would eliminate that drive (4 days), lodging along the way, and the gas at over $3.50 a gallon. Shockingly, using miles and renting a car was less expensive! So, I had to ponder the people I was going to see along the way. Since I had already cut Chicago out of the plans, only St. Louis remained. I could handle that, and my friend would understand.
So I booked the trip using my United miles. Funny thing about United, everything you have read about airlines in general charging fees even to take a shit is true. The charged me $75 just to book the ticket since it was within 14 days. They were going to charge me $120 round trip just to take my clothes. They had this "Premier Super Duper Chump Club" deal that if I paid $137, I could get two bags checked free (if I am paying, then how the fuck is it free?) and I could enter the plane early and (gasp!) sit in a seat that has 4 additional inches of leg room. So, for $17, I can get in the front of coach. Shrug. I did it. What the fuck.
So on Saturday, I leave DIA at 6 in the AM for a flight to Chicago, then on to Your Town, My Town, Cow Town. And as an added bonus, I can get to uptown Marion on Saturday night for the Popcorn Festival!
You are definitely going to see pics of this! Stay tuned!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Hawaii 50 dot Dos Starts THIS WEEK!
I know! You are beside yourself! So am I! Not beside you, per se, cause then you would know that I was there and then you wouldn't be beside yourself, I would. Uhhhhhh......
Leaving early, early Friday morning to the first stop, St. Louis. You know, Missouri ends in an "i", so why do people call it Missourah? That would be like calling Savannah "Savanni". Doesn't work, right? Anyways, after paying homage to my friend Meg by drinking some local brew (read; Budweiser), I will rest up for the continuation of the voyage to Marion, a/k/a FranLand.
I have some exciting posts to bring you over the next couple of weeks including how you can see me and some Marion peeps online LIVE (without Regis and Kelly) during the "Trashing the Locals" event. Are you tingly yet?
No? You're not? Jeez, what's your problem?
Leaving early, early Friday morning to the first stop, St. Louis. You know, Missouri ends in an "i", so why do people call it Missourah? That would be like calling Savannah "Savanni". Doesn't work, right? Anyways, after paying homage to my friend Meg by drinking some local brew (read; Budweiser), I will rest up for the continuation of the voyage to Marion, a/k/a FranLand.
I have some exciting posts to bring you over the next couple of weeks including how you can see me and some Marion peeps online LIVE (without Regis and Kelly) during the "Trashing the Locals" event. Are you tingly yet?
No? You're not? Jeez, what's your problem?
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